June 30, 2011

Don't start what you can't finish. Household chores and your husband.

After sitting through a recent session of female complaining, I want to share my opinion on a common complaint. Household chores and a man's ability to do them.

I firmly believe women should not start habits that they don't want to keep for the REST OF THEIR LIVES. Many of my friends complain endlessly about what their husband/boyfriends EXPECT them to do. But in many cases, I believe it is the woman's fault the men act this way.

A perfect example is laundry/cleaning the house/any other household chore.
Yes, it may seem nice to do your man's laundry when you first get married, but please remember that he will most likely want you to continue doing it until death do you part. So just don't start!

My husband and I lived together for four years before we wed.  And except for the few times I put his clothes in the dryer or get a load of his socks going...I DON'T DO HIS LAUNDRY.

I don't expect or want him to do mine, so I believe it is fair.  He is a grown man, fully capable of bringing a load of clothes out to the garage, adding soap and turning a dial.  He is also capable of transferring said clothes to the dryer.  But what I have learned is he is NOT capable of removing those clothes from the dryer and instead uses the machine as his own personal closet. (annoying, but hey...he does most of the laundry)

Am I mean?  I don't think so.  (So what if he works in the laundry business!) I do ALL of our children's laundry.  Sometimes (when I ask) he will put the clothes in the dryer or take them out so I can fold them.  So if you add it all up, I do plenty of laundry.  He can do his own.

But this tit-for-tat can get tiresome.  We have always had the "rule" that if I cook, he cleans and vice versa.  We also take turns bathing our daughter. Sounds nice, right?  But it kind of sucks on those nights when I get home tired from work.  Since he gets home before me, dinner will most likely be made for me. But then I have to clean up the dishes.  And then it will of course be my night to bathe the child. So a long day gets even longer and I can't complain since this is the setup we have always had.

Despite those nights, I still wouldn't change our agreement.  Will it work for everyone?  I'm not sure.  And it may be difficult to change a setup that has been in place for years.  But this works in my house and it may work in yours.


  1. My husband and I have never had any hard and fast "rules" for household duties. I think that we both understand that there are things like taking out the trash, doing the laundry/dishes or cleaning the litter box that just HAVE TO happen. Whether he does the job or I do, it is what needs to be done to keep the household running smoothly. I don't work outside the home, so yes, I typically do a lot of the jobs myself. But a marriage is a partnership, and both partners must be responsible for the chores. Then again, that's why we had kids... so someday they can do all the work! =)

  2. This is so true! In my past relationship, I initially wanted to be the super woman who took care of Everything and even went overboard laying out his clothes for the day etc. Then came baby and soon I found it ridiculous to keep up the super woman charade, not to mention it was impossible.

    I see a huge difference in my current relationship with a man who showed me that there is nothing wrong with sharing responsibilities. It took me a while to get passed the 1950's unrealistic household I conjured in my head from a young age but now I am much happier and healthier, still leave little love notes by the coffee maker whenever I happen to make the pot that morning and I am still just as much a great woman. He does more of the cooking and cleaning during the week and I do more of it on the weekends. That is what works for us at our house.

  3. I think it's all about compromise. I do our laundry together becuase it's easier that way, and a lot of the cooking, but he does the trash, helps with dishes, etc. When I'm not working full-time, I try to make a concious effort to do more around the house than he does (sometimes I get distracted and this doesn't always work)