April 26, 2012

Is my husband my best friend?

I was listening to an interesting debate about this last night and wanted to see how you all felt about it.

Are you married/living with/dating your BEST friend?

Growing up, my parents made it VERY clear that me and my brother should always marry our best friend.  THEY are best friends.  For awhile we even joked that they didn't even have any other friends...just "acquaintances".  They really enjoy each other...even after 38 years of marriage.  They go on vacations, are both really involved in their church and support each other in whatever the other is doing.

As I listened to the debate though, I was hearing some very good points from the "other" camp.  They believed the person they called their "best friend" was someone they have known since they were kids.  And they even  had different best friends...one from childhood, high school, college...even a work best friend.

Their view of the idea was while they considered these various people their "best friends", they wouldn't want to LIVE with them, make money or life decisions with them.  They just enjoyed having someone who they could tell stuff to, laugh with and have a great time.

A spouse/significant other was someone they DID want to build a home with, have children with, etc.  But giving that person the title "best friend" didn't fit.

So where do I stand?

First off, I do have female best friends.  Some are women that I don't need to talk to every day or even see more than a handful of times a year.  Yet the moment we are together, nothing has changed.  We still belly-laugh, share inside jokes and basically remember why we have been friends for so long.  It just feels right.  It is a natural and fun relationship.

As for my husband and I, we too belly-laugh together, have inside jokes, high-five (or foot five) all the time and generally have a blast living this life together.

So is he my best friend?  Well, when I really think about it, I would say yes.

I think just like other couples, especially those with children, we wear different hats.  Spouse...parent. But it is those moments, when the kids are playing, when we are sitting in our home with our faces plastered with silly grins, that we lock eyes and both remember.

We are still that guy and girl from all those years ago who stayed up late, talking about life, dancing on the beach and becoming "best friends".

And there is no one else I want to ride this amazing life with than him.  My best friend.

So how about you??


  1. Definitely married to my best friend. We chose it this way, we agree whole-heartedly with your parents. Doesn't mean we don't get into best friend bitch fights ever now and then though.

    But the friends aspect is ultimately the most stabilizing influence in our relationship. Friends, lovers, co-parents, housemates, business partners, money-sharers, dream builders. It is a lot of hats to wear. Friendship and kindness are our foundation.

  2. I was taught a different saying -- you can count your best friends on one hand. I've found that to be true. I don't think you have to have one best friend although most do. I am lucky to have two female best friends I've known since kindergarten. They are the sisters I've never had and we've never had a fight. When I was married my husband was another best friend who cared about me the most. But I've always relied on work friends I go to about media ethics, journalism dilemmas and just navigating the work place. My best friends are the ones I trust the most to give me the best advice -- not just what I want to hear -- and honestly tell me when I'm wrong or making a mistake. They're also the ones who will always be there for me unconditionally when I'm down or have a problem. Curiously, my younger daughter is now in that elite five group. She has the best perspective on life at her young age!

  3. You should always feel good about having a husband like him. Treat him as your best friend. :)

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