Working mama's guilt is nothing new. You WANT to be there for every moment in your child's life, but you can't. You like/love/need your job/career and thus your little one spends a good chunk of the day with someone else. But I am lucky. One of my best friends is also my babysitter. Her daughter and my daughter are best friends. It's great.
But the guilt is still there.
For instance, I just put my two year old daughter in play school. It's one day a week and gives her a chance to meet new kids and bring home all kinds of art projects. On her first day, I took the day off work. I wanted to be there to drop her off and pick her up. I mean, it was technically her first day of school.
Dropping her off was a breeze. Apparently, my daughter is just like I was at her age. I plopped her into the room, gave her a hug and a kiss and watched as she (of course) found the one musical instrument in the room and began to play with it.
No tears. No screaming. Just my beautiful child being her independent self.
When noon hit, I peeked through the bars watching all the kids play. Where was mine? Finally I spotted her sitting on a bench. And then...she saw me. Her face lit up and she yelled "Mama!" and ran into my arms. I was in heaven.
Fast forward one week. I took her to school and again there was no crying. But I told her unfortunately, I wouldn't be picking her up. She looked at me and said, "You have to go to work?" Yep, mama has to go to work. I was bummed. She (thankfully) did not appear to be.
So why do I feel so bad?
She didn't cry (good).
She understands that I have to/want to/need to go to work (good).
So I guess it is for purely selfish reasons.
I want to be the one to see her face light up when she's being picked up.
I want to hear about her day and check out the art project first.
But I can't.
And it sucks.
April 8, 2011
April 4, 2011
Stop the blame and help the children
I don't think there is anyone who wants to hear the horrific details of child abuse cases. The nightmares can be found in every city and in every state across America.
And the Sacramento region has its share of terrorizing headlines. There was four year old Amariana Crenshaw, whose charred body was found in 2008. There was also four year old Jahmaurae Allen, who died after being brutally beaten that same year. Five month old Gracie Lynn Johnson's name is etched in my mind. She had been dead for days, maybe even weeks, before her body was discovered inside a home six miles from where I live.
What all these children had in common is they were in the system. Child Protective Services. And that system failed them.
After the Amariana's death, a Sacramento Bee investigation found numerous problems within CPS. This led to an internal investigation, where employees were found to be overworked. Then came allegations of falsified records. But ultimately these CPS workers, for whatever reason, failed to be the savior these children had been praying for.
But instead of pointing fingers, I'd like to look for solutions. It is sadly unrealistic to believe we can end the abuse of all children. What we can do...what we MUST do, is find a way to make the job easier for those who watch over these kids.
Caseloads will always be piling up. Things put off one day only grow exponentially the next. I believe the answer may lie in technology.
Utilize electronic data systems and voice recorders to reduce the need of handwritten or even typed-in notes. In my mind, I picture a CPS worker with a handheld device, where he or she talks into it to record what is seen and heard. Where pictures and other recorded information can be immediately sent to an online file...and the proper authorities.
I truly believe most CPS workers decided on that career because they desperately wanted to help children. But that passion can get lost somewhere between the tower of files filled with the faces of abuse and the threat of arrest when a child is killed.
Everyone needs to move past acknowledging there is a problem and get working on a solution. Because everyday that passes, another abused child's burning hope at being saved is tragically extinguished.
And the Sacramento region has its share of terrorizing headlines. There was four year old Amariana Crenshaw, whose charred body was found in 2008. There was also four year old Jahmaurae Allen, who died after being brutally beaten that same year. Five month old Gracie Lynn Johnson's name is etched in my mind. She had been dead for days, maybe even weeks, before her body was discovered inside a home six miles from where I live.
What all these children had in common is they were in the system. Child Protective Services. And that system failed them.
After the Amariana's death, a Sacramento Bee investigation found numerous problems within CPS. This led to an internal investigation, where employees were found to be overworked. Then came allegations of falsified records. But ultimately these CPS workers, for whatever reason, failed to be the savior these children had been praying for.
But instead of pointing fingers, I'd like to look for solutions. It is sadly unrealistic to believe we can end the abuse of all children. What we can do...what we MUST do, is find a way to make the job easier for those who watch over these kids.
Caseloads will always be piling up. Things put off one day only grow exponentially the next. I believe the answer may lie in technology.
Utilize electronic data systems and voice recorders to reduce the need of handwritten or even typed-in notes. In my mind, I picture a CPS worker with a handheld device, where he or she talks into it to record what is seen and heard. Where pictures and other recorded information can be immediately sent to an online file...and the proper authorities.
I truly believe most CPS workers decided on that career because they desperately wanted to help children. But that passion can get lost somewhere between the tower of files filled with the faces of abuse and the threat of arrest when a child is killed.
Everyone needs to move past acknowledging there is a problem and get working on a solution. Because everyday that passes, another abused child's burning hope at being saved is tragically extinguished.
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