It's not just for girls...or boys.

This Christmas, family is flying in from all over and one of the things my mother can't wait to do is get all her grandkids in the kitchen to bake.

Half a dozen kids and one grandmother covered in cookie dough should be quite a sight!

Of course my son and nephew will be baking right alongside all the girls. And it is THAT image that stuck in my mind when I read about a New Jersey teen who wrote Hasbro all upset about their Easy Bake Oven.  

She said her four year old brother wants one for Christmas, but since it is purple, the teen felt it was only being marketed toward girls.

She wants a gender-neutral one made so her brother doesn't feel embarrassed when his friends come over to play with it.

I think this teen is missing her own point.  

She is upset because an easy bake oven is made in colors she associates with girls and yet she wants to change Hasbro's thinking that baking is just for girls.

How about believing that NONE of that matters?

Colors are JUST colors and if baking shouldn't just be for girls, then why do certain colors have to be?  

Especially purple.  Kings wear purple, right?

To the teen I say buy the oven.  And if it makes you feel better, put Spiderman stickers all over it.  

Yes, if the oven was white, it may not instantly evoke images of girls, but I'm sure the smell of something delicious baking inside will overpower any concern about the color.

Warning: First reactions COUNT!

You have to love kids.

 

Besides my own, the kid I'm really loving on is Kenton Koos. You've probably heard about him. Nice clean-cut kid who decided to dye his hair green, paint a Mike Tyson-like tattoo on his face and put an oversized ring in his nose for his yearbook picture.

Why?

 

Because he said he did it to push the envelope.

The school's first reaction was to say no, but after some thought and pressing by the ACLU, is now allowing him to submit the picture because it doesn't want to violate Koos free speech rights.

But here's the icing on the cake.

 

Koos says he will need time to THINK about whether he really wants the picture in the yearbook.

 

You really gotta love kids.

They make a big stink over something and then when they finally get it, they decide they aren't sure they really want it in the first place.

 

They just wanted to see how YOU would react.

And that's parenting in a nutshell. Children pushing the limits to see their parents' reactions.

 

And a lot of it has to do with those FIRST reactions.

So you have to be careful. Because if you react badly about an outrageous yearbook photo, your child may think twice before coming to you about a real tattoo, or sex or drugs.

In my opinion, the best bet is to take a deep breath, have the child look in the mirror and ask themselves if the person looking back at them is who they really want to be.

Because in the end, we all have to live with our own decisions.

And hopefully those don't include a tattoo on their face.

Being a kid again

I did it!  I didn't think it could be done, but I pretty much finished my Christmas shopping and it's not even December yet.

No I did not go on Thanksgiving or Black Friday because that would be insane. But I did go that weekend, got to the mall right when it opened and six hours later, I was done.

And it was interesting. When I was buying presents for the adults in my life, I felt fine. Kind of like shopping feels any other time of the year.

But then I started shopping for the kids in my life.

And as I perused toy aisle after toy aisle, I found I was having a blast. Not only are toys nowadays absolutely awesome, but it was so much fun imagining the child playing with it.

I picked out dress up clothes and saw my daughter and niece dancing around in them. I picked out a cool puzzle and saw my kids putting it together. It was like I was having Christmas morning all by myself inside my head.

I vividly remember being young and opening up the toy catalog.  You remember, the mammoth one the store BEST used to send?  And I remember not wanting toys any more. I was getting too old. Clothes and music became more my style and the dolls and games were not.

But now I get to have that thrill again. Opening up the toy catalog and walking down the toy aisle has meaning again.

And I guess that is one of the great things about having kids in your life. You get to be one again too.

Teaching by humiliation

If your child came home with his or her face covered in marker...from chin to hairline...and told you the students in class did it, how would you feel?

Now how would you feel if you learned it was done with the permission of the teacher?

That is exactly what happened in an Idaho classroom. Students had Accelerated Reading goals. Those who were not able to read a certain number of books in time were punished.

One of the punishments was to miss recess and the other was to have their faces scribbled on by other students.

Talk about humiliation.

This is a classic case of the punishment not fitting the crime. What lesson do the children who failed to meet the reading goal get by having to sit there while their classmates color their faces?

I'm sure there was plenty of laughing and teasing while it was happening and even more throughout the school day.

And I'm even more positive there were kids that felt bad about doing it, but were caught up in the group behavior.

What this teacher did was show one group of students that it is okay to bully those who are slower or different from them, while teaching other students that if you don't measure up, you will be punished and humiliated.

And I have to wonder if any of the students will be better readers because of it.

Yawning through it all

I never realized I wasn't a morning person until I had kids. My day starts around six...maybe six thirty, with the face of my 3 year old demanding chocolate milk and cartoons.

And since I hit the pillow after midnight each night, I am always pleading for just a few extra minutes.

But of course, I never get them.

Then a friend posted an article about parents and sleep depravation. It stated that fifty percent of parents get less than six hours of sleep a night and nearly 30 percent can't remember the last time they slept eight straight hours.

And we're not talking about newborns. These are toddlers and schoolkids.

But here's the most concerning thing. A lack sleep (not surprisingly) makes a parent cranky, irritable and cuts reaction and judgement time down to that of a drunk driver.

And these sleepy parents are supposed to keep their cool with their kids and drive them around. And unfortunately if you add in anger or mental issues, these moments can even escalate into abusive situations.

For me though, on those mornings when I can't shake the foul mood of a sleep deprived night, I know the tone of voice is sharper, I'm not as patient and when I finally do get a moment to ponder how the day started, I'm filled with guilt.

All my daughter did was jump out of bed with one thought on her mind. To see me. And instead of greeting her with a smile, I sometimes throw her a scowl.

There is no easy answer and for parents of young children, these sleepless nights will hopefully end in the near future. That's when WE will be begging THEM to get out of bed and they'll be pleading for a few more minutes.
 

And nope, they probably won't get them.

Just say OM

Have you heard about these Southern California parents who are considering suing their school because...wait for it...the children are getting FREE yoga lessons!!

Oh the humanity!

According to the Chronicle, these parents believe the tax-payer funded yoga classes are indoctrinating their children into Hinduism and is thus unconstitutional.

These parents are ridiculous.

Yoga is no more indoctrinating these children into Hinduism as eating sushi is turning me Japanese. The benefits these children are likely gaining from learning to still themselves, breathe and stretch surely outweigh any possibility that they may want to learn more about the Hindu religion.

I think these parents should embrace the lessons learned from this alternative form of exercise, which hopefully will stay with these kids throughout their lives.

And maybe they can teach their parents to just take a deep breath and relax.

Would you want to know?

In an amazing twist, the remains of one of the victims of the Speed Freak serial Killers also contained a tiny bone fragment. And tests are being done to see if the tiny bone is that of missing Hayward nine year old Michaela Garecht. The little girl disappeared back on November 19, 1988. I remember her disappearance because she was about my age at the time.

Someone asked me if I was Michaela's parent, would I want that bone fragment to be hers? And without missing a beat, I said yes.

Because finally, the question about what happened to my little girl would finally be answered.

Of course I would have to let go of the hope. The hope that was reinforced with stories like Jaycee Lee Dugard, who was found alive 18 years after being kidnapped.

But what would also end would be the uncertainty and the frightening images created in my mind of what could be happening to my child if she was still alive. Was she being tortured?  Raped?

I'm sure the dream all parents of kidnapped children have is just to wrap their arms around them, look into their eyes and see a light...a recollection of what life was like before a monster tore them apart.

But if that is not possible, I have to believe that an answer to what happened to my child and the ability to bury whatever small part is left in this world is a small consolation to the tragedy I hope never to experience.

A parent's worst nightmare

I don't think there are news stories I hate more than when children are killed. And it is worse when the death is an accident and the actual parent plays a role.

Like the father that thinks he is shooting an intruder who turns out to be his son, the three year old who accidentally shoots himself after finding his father's gun or the child left to die in a hot car after a parent forgets to drop her off at daycare.

These are horrible mistakes that have tragic consequences.

So what kind of punishment should these parents receive for being responsible for their child's death? 

I say nothing.

No jail time, no prison, no death sentence. 

Because there is NO punishment worse than knowing you had a hand in your child's death. That is a nightmare these parents have to live with for the rest of their lives. And a guilt I believe no one can imagine.

Sadly, these parents can also not fully escape the judgement of the often cruel public who can stare with eyes of blame and constant questions of "how could you?" 

And I'm sure these parents see and hear the same thing every time they look in the mirror.

The father-daughter tradition

Have you heard about this Rhode Island school district that banned father daughter dances after a single mother complained?  The woman says holding the dance discriminates against her daughter because she doesn't have a father figure to take her.

Then the ACLU apparently jumped in saying in the 21st century, schools should not have father daughter dances or mother son baseball games because that is playing into stereotypical gender roles.

Give me a break.

This all started because the father daughter dance is a physical example for the mother of what went wrong with the man who fathered her child.  I'm not saying it is her fault.  Maybe he died, maybe he lives far away...whatever the case, it is a sad situation made worse when things like father daughter dances come around.

But that doesn't mean that the tradition should be eliminated. 

I had a blast at my father daughter dance with my dad.  One year, we even won a trophy.  He still tells the story of how I wore combat boots with my dress and kept flipping my hair around as I danced.  It's something neither of us will forget. 

And what about girls who look forward to possibly the one night all year they have their dad all to themselves? One night where maybe a significant conversation could be had about how a man should treat a woman or that she can be anything in this world?

The father daughter relationship is one not to be taken lightly.  How a woman allows herself to be treated can be influenced by the first man in her life.  I feel sorry for those that don't know what that is like.  But I also don't believe special moments should be sacrificed for the few that unfortunately and for whatever reason can't participate.

One IS enough

There are several conversations parents have with each other when you have to skate on thin ice. Discipline styles, school choices, vaccinations...they can all stir up emotions that can turn a talk between the best of friends into an awkward moment.

I was stuck in one of these this past weekend.

It had to do with having a second child. One of my really close friends has a daughter who is one and a half. And I asked when she was having a second. She told me she'd like to, but didn't see how she could afford it or where she would find the room in her and her husband's tiny home.

I told her you can never budget for kids, you just make ends meet somehow and that she could always move. Nice and neat, I solved her problem, right? WRONG!

It wasn't that easy and this wasn't the only time she'd had the conversation. The pressure to have one baby and then another was not just coming from friends, but from family. After another friend started in on how she should give her daughter a sibling, it became to much and drove this mother of one to tears.

Nobody meant to upset her, but what we failed to remember is that the choice to have ANY children is never cut and dry. While the desire might be there, the realities of life can not be swept aside as simply as a pile of toys left on the floor.

And pressure from friends and family only makes things worse. The endless questions about expanding the family can make a parent feel like they are either missing out or somehow doing their one child an injustice by not providing a sibling.

There are a lot of people who cannot even have ONE child of their own. So if a couple chooses to only have and adore one child, it isn't something that should be questioned. They shouldn't be made to feel inadequate. Instead they should be praised for raising an amazing kid who is fortunate to live in a loving home.

Time to buy or time to think?

Since it is September, that means parents are apparently supposed to be Christmas shopping. I know this because the giant toy catalog arrived a few days ago. So I grabbed my daughter and we looked through it to see what she likes.

And she proceeded to tell me that she wanted EVERYTHING. She even SANG that statement. I want everything! I want everything!

And while it is typical for children her age to WANT EVERYTHING, I stopped her each time she pointed to something and asked her WHY she wanted it.

What was it about it that she liked so much? Somethings were pretty, other things looked cool and other things she wanted just because she wanted it. It really was quite insightful!

And while I'm all for buying what you want when you can afford it, I also want her when she is older to be an educated consumer. Make sure you really want something before spending the cash on it.

I remember one time when I was a kid I was shopping with my mom and saw these sneakers I really wanted. They were something like 90 dollars. They were multi-colored and reminded me of something Punky Brewster would wear. And I just LOVED Punky.

My mom said I had to do chores to help pay for them and if after that time I still wanted them, we would get them. I never ended up buying them.

Sometimes when you have an entire toy catalog at your fingertips, it can seem like you want EVERYTHING. But when you think about it, take time to ponder it over, the shine on that purchase begins to fade.

Let's hope I remember that when the new iPhone comes out.

The "party" life

My family and some friends went camping over the weekend. It was six adults and four kids. We went to Tahoe...this place called Zephyr Cove.

 

When I say this is a party beach...I mean a PAR-TAY beach. There was a bachelorette party happening, a girl who apparently couldn't drink without the use of a beer bong and the average age of the people there had to be 25.

And then there was us. A couple of mid-30s parents with their two preschool girls, a toddler and a ten month old boy.

We even had a pack and play with us. We were that cool.

And as I was sitting there doing some excellent people watching, my friend turned to me and asked if I could imaging NOT having the kids there.

 

And I couldn't.

I mean, yes I remember a time before kids when we went to this beach. But now, if my kids aren't with me, it's not the same. I'm thinking about them, talking about them, finding moments that they would really love if they were there.

Basically, I did 25. I did that age really good. I went out after the sun went down and didn't come back home until it was up.  I did the no worries about tomorrow and the who cares about yesterday.

And now that part of my life is over.

 

 And that is perfectly fine.

 

So for those thinking about having kids really young, I say wait. Go have fun. So someday when there is HUGE party happening right in front of your face, you won't feel like you are missing out.

 

But instead you'll know you're having an even better time...with your kid.

Don't call her a princess.

Halloween is a couple months away and I can't wait. I love dressing up the kids.

My daughter's first Halloween she was the obligatory pumpkin. Then she was a spider...complete with web and legs. And last year, I beamed when she said she wanted to be a pirate.

So when we passed the costume store, I eagerly asked my daughter what she wanted to be this year.

And she said she wants to be a...princess.  So it begins.

I really prided myself on having a daughter that was girlie without being TOO girlie. She has some dress up clothes that other people have bought her, but she has zero princess dresses.

And it was a conscious choice. My husband is kind of anti-princess. Tinkerbell and fairies are okay, but he has a little hang-up about the whole princess mentality.

And I agree. It's nothing against Disney or fairy tales that I enjoyed as a child. But it's the extreme focus on beauty. The ball gowns, the hair, the crown. The waiting to get rescued. The "am I pretty?"

 

In today's age, our girls are being sexualized WAY too young and while some of you may believe I am over-reacting, I do believe it can start when their role models are pretty princesses.

Now there HAVE been a few new fairy tales showing off more powerful princesses and I applaud it. But for every Merida there are just as many, if not more Sleeping Beauties.

 

We all know the pressure to be pretty will come soon enough.  Am I wrong to want to want to put it off as long as possible?

 

No easy answer regarding plastic surgery for kids.

A couple of weeks ago, I heard about this non-profit that performs plastic surgery on children. It's called the Little Baby Face Foundation and it does everything from fixing cleft palates and head deformities to pinning back ears.

Little Baby Face proudly states that they perform these free surgeries so children who once hid in the shadows because of how they looked are now self-confident.

And this got me thinking.

What physical issue would my child have to have in order for me to consider plastic surgery?

And would my decision be swayed by how my child was feeling about their own appearance?

When when I posed the question on my Facebook page, one woman felt that a major physical deformity, like a missing ear or burn injury is worthy of plastic surgery. But something like a big nose or big ears are not.

But one story on the foundation's page talks about a girl who contemplated suicide because she was teased about her big ears.

And while I do agree that we shouldn't give in to bullies, I can also imagine how painful it is to look in the mirror everyday, with adolescent hormones raging, and see those ears sticking out or that big bump on the top of the nose.

If a child is so unhappy that they want to kill themselves, what should a parent do?

And please think about this from a "this is REALLY my reality" perspective. Imagine if you found out your child was close to KILLING themselves.


 What.Would.You.Do?

And don't forget, some things are apparently okay to do to your child. No one thinks twice when braces are put on to fix an overbite.

Parents don't say, "oh you'll learn to love your buck teeth."  No. They put the braces on so the child has a nice smile.

So what is wrong with pinning back ears or smoothing out the nose?

Is the fight against bullying more important than a child's depression about their physical appearance?

I understand that people should love themselves for who and what they are and that performing plastic surgery on children is a very slippery slope and not appropriate in all instances.

But I also know that there is nothing brighter in this whole world than my children's smile and if I lost that because they don't like how they look, I cannot say for certain what I would or would not do.

How hard should parents push their child to succeed?

When I watch the Olympics, the cameras always flash to the parents.  I wonder what goes through their minds as they watch their "babies" compete.  

Do they remember the constant shuttling back and forth to swim meets and practices?  Do they remember all the trophies and medals, intense competitions and at times crushing defeats?

And do they remember what they said to keep their child going and focused on the prize?

This thought ran though my mind as I debate whether to keep my three year old daughter in dance.

She just started.  I put her in a summer session so she could get a taste of ballet, tap and gymnastics.  On her first day she made a friend, learned the word plie, knew how to shuffle and came running out with a smile on her face. 

So I was surprised when she said no to being signed up for fall classes.

When I asked her why, she just repeated the answer. No.

I'm not saying she has to be a prima ballerina.  But should I push her to keep dancing, knowing full well that she will have a good time...or do I just let her quit?

My husband says she should do one more session before deciding whether to stop.  I of course agree, but a part of me...a big part, wants my daughter to say the words, "yes, I want to keep dancing."

And as I watch these parents sitting in the stands in London, I wonder if they went through the same battle.  What did they say when their child said, "I'm done.  I quit.  I don't want to do it anymore."

And as they cheer their child on in the OLYMPICS, I wonder if they feel the battle was worth it.

Could empathy be the answer?

A fellow mom I know had to help her daughter shave her armpits for the first time.  Did I mention her daughter is five years old?  Now before you start thinking this is some wacky toddlers and tiaras scenario, the mother did this because her daughter was being teased by other girls and in turn did not want to participate in summer school swim days.

These girls are FIVE.  FIVE!  I can't believe that bullying is starting so young.  This is kindergarten age.

I know if I had been in the same position and my daughter was coming home in tears over something like a few armpit hairs, yeah I'd probably help her shave it.

But I know that won't fix the problem. What does giving in to bullies really do?  They'll probably just find something else to tease her about and the vicious cycle would continue.

So what is the answer? Especially when we are talking about kids as young as five years old?

Should I teach her to fight? Maybe teach her a few choice words to say that will cut the girls to the bone?  Believe me, I know some.

It may feel good in the moment, but I know that would only feed the beast.

And this bullying really needs to stop.

What I feel is  missing from all the lessons parents teach their kids is a little empathy.

 When someone makes my child sad, I ask her:
  How does it feel when you're called a baby?  How does it feel when your best friend ditches you for bigger kids?

Of course she says it doesn't feel good.

And that is when I tell her to remember THAT feeling the next time she thinks about being mean to someone else.

Because maybe if kids are taught to recognize how awful it feels to be bullied, they'll stop and think before they say something hurtful to someone else.

But it will take a parent's guidance to make this happen.  So how about it parents?

A letter to my children

Something bad happened today.  

You are both way too young to understand why people are crying on the television. But to try and put it simply, people went out for a night that was supposed to be fun and it ended up being the last thing several of them did.

Someday, when you are a parent, you'll know what it feels like to watch a moment like this play out.  And I'll bet you candies to cakes that the face of your own child will flash in your mind.

I'm sure you'll feel a flood of emotions and reactions. You'll possible contemplate keeping your child at home for the rest their lives, maybe pulling them out of school and seriously ponder whether you even live in the right country.

You may then hesitate if your kid wants to stay out later, go on a road trip or join their friends for the midnight showing of a blockbuster movie.

But while I would love nothing more than to put bubble tape around all the hard edges of your life, I can't. 

Because it is these moments, when you are pricked by the hard realities of life, that you must remember LIFE IS WORTH LIVING, not being wasted in the fear of what COULD happen.  

Go have fun.

Work it out!

If you have more than one child, then I'm sure this is a scenario you've encountered. You're out of the room when suddenly you hear a crash, a thud, maybe some screaming from your kids.

In a huff you go see what's the matter and what do you find? Paint on the wall, the dog is covered in tape, there is some mystery substance ground into the carpet and of course the kids are fighting over what was once an insignificant toy but has now become there own personal precious.

That is when you as a parent, throw up your hands and say, WORK IT OUT.

And that is the exact message I have for DirecTv and Viacom.

They are bickering like children over what to one is billions of dollars and to the other is pennies...but you know what? I don't care.

I KNOW that my kids shouldn't watch TV and I KNOW that this is a first-world problem where the universe seems to implode when MTV and Comedy Central are not readily available.

But I'm not talking about THOSE channels. I need my Nick Jr. back.

I have a precious 90 minutes in the morning to get up from bed, get myself semi-presentable (ok, not really presentable), wake the baby, feed the baby, dress the 3 year old, feed the 3 year old, brush the 3 year old's hair and teeth...without mixing up the brushes and get the kid to preschool.

Do you know what Nick Jr. gives me? The time to make and drink a single, hot steaming cup of coffee. And you know what? That's not too much to ask.

So you know what DirecTV and Viacom?? I don't care who's at fault. Work it out!

A message to the older generation

Being a parent in front of your own parents can be very interesting. Because there come moments when you as a parent have to decide whether you are going to raise your children the same way YOU were raised.

 

Isn't it funny how kids all have minds of their own? You would think if a child is raised in a house with certain beliefs, THEY would maintain those beliefs when they got older.

But that is not always the case. Take the recent story about actor Brad Pitt's mom Jane. She wrote a letter in her hometown paper urging Christians to still vote for Romney even though the man is Mormon. She went on to write that Barack HUSSEIN Obama is a liberal who among other things supports same-sex marriage.

The whole thing made me laugh. I love how Mama Pitt thinks that just because her son is a famous actor people who were on the fence would suddenly say, Ya know? I was GOING to vote for Obama, but the Pitt lady totally changed my mind!"

But was she trying to change other people's minds or just her own child's? Are Pitt family dinners like MY family dinners where we drink bottle after bottle of wine debating everything under the sun?

Was Mama Pitt so tired of hearing her son come out in support of something she is against that she took to writing a very public letter, in hopes that maybe he would come around?

I hope she isn't holding her breath.

Because when you think back to past civil rights issues, there had to come a point when a child, no matter what the age, looked at the older generation and said what YOU believe is NOT what I believe. Oh...and pass the wine.

 

I'm not calling Jerry Sandusky a victim, BUT....

Before you get mad, let me go on record by saying that I completely believe Sandusky is a monster. What he did to these young boys is reprehensible.

But WHY is he this way?


I don't know Sandusky's entire life history or whether he was abused as a child. But I wouldn't be surprised if he was. Because sometimes, just sometimes, this kind of abuse can lead to the victim eventually becoming an abuser themselves.

(READ: I AM NOT SAYING THE VICTIMS IN THIS CASE WILL BE ABUSERS. But it DOES happen)

Now I have no idea what it is like to be a victim. I cannot fathom the nightmares these children and adults have to live with for their entire lives.

But most of the time, when I hear about the early life of an abuser, they were abused themselves. When abuse happens, especially when someone is very young, that can give them a very screwed up view of relationships, love and right versus wrong.

So that is why many victims may turn to drugs, may commit suicide or sadly,even start abusing others.

It doesn't make it right. I'm not saying it does. But I will admit (and you are free to disagree) that a little part of me still tries to see the tiny, abused child that is living inside the body of a monster.

Kids bullying adults is unacceptable

By now, many of you have probably seen the video of a bunch of New York school kids tormenting a bus monitor.  They call her fat, make fun of her glasses and say such awful things that I actually had to turn the video off because I just couldn't believe my ears.

The woman, who is 68 and the grandmother to 8 children, was brought to tears.

So was I.

It got me thinking.  What do I have to do as a mother so someday I won't see my own child be a bully?  And not just a bully of other kids...but adults too.

I can't imagine what it must be like for the parents of these kids to see their own children behaving in such a despicable way.  Are they humiliated?  Are they angry?  Or do they not think it is a big deal?

In my opinion, Marley is not old enough for me to show her the video.  I don't believe she would fully understand the situation and I don't want to introduce that kind of hate (yes, HATE) into her consciousness.

But when she is a few years older, I probably will.  I will show her and explain to her how sad that woman is for being treated so unfairly.  I will also explain that children feed off one another.  When one starts talking and acting badly and get a few laughs, others will join in.

It's peer pressure at its worst.

I hope and pray my child will be kind.  I am working my hardest to raise her that way.  Whenever someone does something mean to her, instead of focusing on what the other child did, I ask her to focus on how it made her FEEL.

People want to feel good.  They want to feel loved.  And I want Marley to remember how it FEELS when someone treats her badly, so she will think before she treats someone else that way.

As for the parents of those school kids, I hope they are taking the time to really explain why their behavior was so wrong.  I know it's easy to focus on the (national) humiliation, but the real message should be that a woman was made to feel like dirt and those kids had NO RIGHT to treat her that way.

Baby shampoo mislabels babies as potheads

This is another "you've got to be kidding me!" moment.  Apparently bathing your baby in certain shampoos can end up leaving your little tike with a dirty drug test.

I'm serious.

And these shampoos aren't some obscure brands.  I'm talking about Johnson and Johnson and Aveeno.

A study out of the University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill found a high rate of babies in its nursery were testing positive for THC, which is the get-you-high ingredient in marijuana.

So after doing a number of tests, researchers discovered that baby shampoo was causing the false positive tests.

It is still unclear why this is happening.  It could be a combination of factors.  But researchers believe soaps or shampoos containing polyquatrnium-11 and cocamidopropyl betaine (memorize these...there will be a test later) could be causing the problem.

There are several states that consider any prenatal exposure to illegal drugs a form of child abuse.  And if a couple admits previous drug use before pregnancy, hospitals may consider them high-risk and test their newborn.

Can you imagine?  You smoke a doobie here and there, but quit when you find out your pregnant.  Then as they hand you your newly-washed newborn, they also call CPS on your ass because your baby tested positive for pot!

Are you listening?

Anyone that knows me or works with me or spends even a few hours with me knows I like to debate.  I am a Puerto Rican-Italian woman with a mind full of opinions and some pretty loose lips.

But that doesn't mean I won't listen.

This is especially true when it comes to being a mother/parent.  I am NOT an expert.  But I am someone who has two kids of my own and has seen my fair share of tantrums, giggle fests, poopy diapers and underwear (!), vomit in the bed, cuddle time, teething pains, etc.

So if you want to come and ask me what I think about breastfeeding, vaccinations, rashes and more...I can share from experience.

But if you want to talk about "having the talk", bullying, teenage drug use, driving priveleges and other things I am sooo looking forward to, I can only talk in the abstract.  My children are three and one.  I have (hopefully) many more years before I have to worry about sex, drugs and rock and roll.

Still, I love having debates about these topics.  Okay, okay...I haven't actually gone though them.  But I truly believe that talking and debating about what I HOPE I would do will help me (and you) better manage the situation when the time actually arises.

I'll admit that I have conversations with my children when they aren't actually there.  I practice what I will say when they come to me with relationship problems, religious questions and body malfunctions.  I really don't think I'm the only one.

And that is why I have this blog.  I love to write and I love to express my opinions.  But I also LOVE the feedback I get from those who read it. Whether on this blog or more often on Facebook and Twitter, I feed off the feedback.

So now that I think about it...I want my own talk show.  About parenting. It would be so much fun!!

Could you imagine hearing my voice everyday?

Oh wait... ;))

You will not silence me (or my mom)

Being in the news business, I read and hear about all kinds of crazy things.  But some things really boggle my mind.

I just heard a story about seniors being denied their high school diplomas because of excessive cheering by family members during graduation ceremonies. In one case, a mother was actually ARRESTED for cheering.

WHAT?!? Good thing the "cheering police" weren't at an awards ceremony I attended a few years back.  My parents, who are always proud of me no matter how old I am, WANTED to come and see me pick up a couple of awards for a radio series I did.

And when my name was read not once, but twice, my mother was screaming and cheering so loud, I actually had to give her a look to make her stop.  (not like she did!)

I understand that graduations can take a long time, especially when you factor in cheering.  But after four years of high school...the tests, the dances, the possible bullying, the extra-curricular activities...parents and students deserve some loud cheering.

It is a fabulous feeling to jump up and down and celebrate life's great accomplishments. Shame on schools for trying to silence the joy.

Lessons from car thievery

It was such a nice Sunday morning.  I was cuddling on the couch with Marley, nursing a slight hangover after a very fun girls-night-out the evening before.   And then my phone rang.  It was my husband. "Nikki...someone stole my truck." Yeah right.  The ol' hubby has been bothering me FOR WEEKS to buy him a motorcycle.  My first instinct was that he was just SAYING his truck was gone, so he could buy the Harley.   That line of thinking lasted about half a second when he began insisting his truck was really gone! "What?!?"   I just couldn't believe it!!  I KNOW people have their cars stolen every day.  It has just never happened to me.  And until something DOES happen to you, you don't think it ever will. So with my 3 year old daughter's eyes upon me,  I pace around the house, literally flabbergasted. "I can't believe someone stole that PIECE!"   (Full disclosure: It is a 1987 Toyota Landcruiser.  Not the sexiest thing, but my husband loved it.  And he would always do that head nod/wave thing in traffic when one guy sees another guy in a similar vehicle.  I think you need a pair between your legs to understand) So after talking myself into a frenzy, I did what any sane woman would do when her husband's car is stolen.  I packed up the kids and went looking for it! Ok, I was actually already planning to go to Costco, but there are a lot of car "repair" places (aka: chop shops) in the area, so I figured I'd keep an eye out.  As I was walking through Costco, I actually calmed down.  (That will happen to you when you watch a bunch of people wait in line for a thumbnail size piece of hot dog.  It's a HOT DOG people!!!  I actually felt sane again when I explained to Marley why we WOULDN'T be waiting in that line. Answer: we have hot dogs at home) So as we were walking back to my car, Marley looked at me with those big, brown eyes and asked if the "bad guys" who stole daddy's truck would be coming to OUR house.   Suddenly, I got it. I looked at her and realized I could actually use this as a teaching moment. I told her she needed to understand two things. Number one: She should NEVER, EVER take things that don't belong to her.  It is mean and not right.  And if she finds something that doesn't belong to her, she should try and find the rightful owner. Number two: Yes, bad things happen.  But there are so many more good people in this world than bad people.  It sucks when you encounter these bad people, but there is a REASON why daddy's car was stolen.  And I told my daughter that I truly believe it will work out in our favor in the end. Do I have any idea WHY our truck was stolen? No.  But maybe it was so I could teach my daughter two very important lessons. Plus, the Harley talk has finally stopped.

Is my husband my best friend?

I was listening to an interesting debate about this last night and wanted to see how you all felt about it.

Are you married/living with/dating your BEST friend?

Growing up, my parents made it VERY clear that me and my brother should always marry our best friend.  THEY are best friends.  For awhile we even joked that they didn't even have any other friends...just "acquaintances".  They really enjoy each other...even after 38 years of marriage.  They go on vacations, are both really involved in their church and support each other in whatever the other is doing.

As I listened to the debate though, I was hearing some very good points from the "other" camp.  They believed the person they called their "best friend" was someone they have known since they were kids.  And they even  had different best friends...one from childhood, high school, college...even a work best friend.

Their view of the idea was while they considered these various people their "best friends", they wouldn't want to LIVE with them, make money or life decisions with them.  They just enjoyed having someone who they could tell stuff to, laugh with and have a great time.

A spouse/significant other was someone they DID want to build a home with, have children with, etc.  But giving that person the title "best friend" didn't fit.

So where do I stand?

First off, I do have female best friends.  Some are women that I don't need to talk to every day or even see more than a handful of times a year.  Yet the moment we are together, nothing has changed.  We still belly-laugh, share inside jokes and basically remember why we have been friends for so long.  It just feels right.  It is a natural and fun relationship.

As for my husband and I, we too belly-laugh together, have inside jokes, high-five (or foot five) all the time and generally have a blast living this life together.

So is he my best friend?  Well, when I really think about it, I would say yes.

I think just like other couples, especially those with children, we wear different hats.  Spouse...parent. But it is those moments, when the kids are playing, when we are sitting in our home with our faces plastered with silly grins, that we lock eyes and both remember.

We are still that guy and girl from all those years ago who stayed up late, talking about life, dancing on the beach and becoming "best friends".

And there is no one else I want to ride this amazing life with than him.  My best friend.

So how about you??

I'm disappointed in you Sesame Street

That's it.  I'm fed up.  Anyone who disagrees with me is totally entitled to their own opinion, but I firmly believe they are wrong.
Breastfeeding is NATURAL.  Bottlefeeding is NOT. 
Don't start yelling at your computer about how not all women can/want to breastfeed.  I understand that.  I am just saying that breastfeeding is how women were made in order to feed their children.

What is not natural is injecting breasts with silicone or saline, stuffing them into a tiny bikini and plastering them on the cover of magazines.  But that appears to be okay, while a mother feeding her child is "gross". 

I just can't stand it.  It is so dumb.  How can people really think like this?  It's been said before and I will say it again.  People have been so conditioned to see breasts as sex objects that to see them any other way is, well...awkward.

Now comes this Sesame Street controversy.  Apparently, the PBS show is no longer airing a show from the 1970s where a woman teaches about breastfeeding. She actually nursed her real-life daughter on the show, although the baby was completely covered by a blanket and so was she.  But it is amazing that it has been more than 30 years since that clip aired and NOW people have a problem with it. 

I am sad to hear that Sesame Street has reportedly pulled the 1977 clip and edited a breastfeeding shot out of its video for "You're My Baby."  The baby in the video is fed from a bottle.

What's the problem?  What are we so scared our children are going to see?  The children who watch Sesame Street have probably seen their mother or someone close to them breastfeed a baby.  At what age are children made to feel like breastfeeding is something that should be hidden away?

I love that my daughter knows all about breastfeeding from watching me feed my son.  And I hope when she becomes a mother that she will want and be able to breastfeed. 

True story: This past summer my daughter went camping with my in-laws.  It was a military swap meet...so a bunch of men (and quite a few women) were hanging out and enjoying themselves.  And there is my little girl with her baby doll.  All of a sudden, my daughter lifts up her shirt and puts the doll on her breast.  When asked what she was doing, she simply replied, "I'm feeding my baby."

Exactly.  Just feeding a baby.  Get over it.