Is twerking the best you've got?

So a Southern California high school is banning twerking at its school dances.

They say it is too sexually-suggestive, so it is being added to the banned-dance list that already includes freaking and grinding.

I have to admit, this story gives me flash backs of my high school days.

Back then, freaking and grinding weren't allowed, although kids still did it.  And I went to a Catholic school all my life!

And while I understand that hormone-filled teenagers are looking for any reason to rub up against each other, I also think the problem is there just aren't enough new dance moves created anymore.

Yes, there is the "Dougie" and the "Cupid Shuffle".  But really? That's it???

The imagination of this generation is boundless, but all people can come up with is to "bounce your booty?"

What do you think? And am I missing some dance moves that better define this generation than twerking?

Thanks, but no thanks Mr. President.

There is nothing better than being paid to do what you love.

I have that, thankfully.  The "microphone bug" I developed in college stayed with me and now I get paid to talk.  To talk!!  How absolutely fitting for someone like me.

But I have to admit, there are times when people ask me why I'm in radio.

"You're good-looking.  Why aren't you on TV?", they'd asked me.

And I'd give the answer I always do about how I love radio and its immediacy.  Which is true.

But it's also because I know how much "looks"can play into the length of a career in television.

And that is something I do not want to be a factor in my life.  I do not want to worry that some smile lines or aging skin is going to put me out of a job.

I also hope that when my daughter is all grown up, HER looks won't matter either.

I am thinking all this as I reflect on the President's comments about California District Attorney Kamala Harris.

At a fundraiser, he said she was brilliant, dedicated and tough.  But then he added that she also happens to be the "best-looking attorney general in the country."

Thanks, but no thanks Mr. President.

Was the comment REALLY necessary?

While I am not MAD like some people are, I AM disappointed in the kind of knee-jerk reaction that men, including the President, still have toward women.

That they can praise us in one breath and then still feel the need to talk about our looks.

As if we are holding our breath through all the accolades hoping, just hoping, that he will also think we are beautiful.

We don't need it and we don't want it.

Praise us for our jobs.

Praise us for our accomplishments.

But save the comments about looks for your wife.

Let's not be so quick to criticize.

It happens ALL THE TIME.

I put both the kids in the car and then realize I forgot (fill in the blank).

I get out of the car, take my keys (to open the house) and lock the car before going inside.

But today, a mother did not take those steps.

She put her baby in her running vehicle and went back inside the house.  When she came out, her car and baby were gone!

Can you imagine??

Her mind instantly racing.  Trying to catch a description of the person who snatched her baby.  Calling police and having to tell them HOW this happened.  The story plastered all over the media! Her license plate number on highway signs.

And praying that a momentary mistake won't cost her her child.

Thankfully, the baby was found unharmed.

So of course, the trolls come out.

"She shouldn't have left her baby alone!"

Well, that is NOT always possible.  Take for instance removing groceries from the car when it is just you and a baby.  At some point, the baby MAY have to be left alone either in the car or in the house.

"She shouldn't have left the keys in the car!"

No, she shouldn't have. And I'm sure she never will again.

We need to stop being so quick to demonize the woman and use her ordeal as a learning lesson.

None of us are perfect parents.  We all make mistakes.

And luckily for this mother and little girl, they will be able to remember this lesson together.

Avoiding violence by removing love.

Is this really what the world has become?

I have never heard of such a stupid idea as the one happening at St. Mary's County school district in Maryland.

They are banning....hugs.

If you're a parent and it's YOUR child, hug them all you want.  But if it's another child...maybe your kid's best friend...HANDS OFF!

You can't push another kid on the swing, you can't put a band aid on their knee.  NO TOUCHING OTHER  KIDS!!

And this idea is in response to the massacre at Newtown.

Give me a break.

Kids need hugs.  They need love.  And they need to know the difference between what is the "right" kind of touching and the "wrong" type of touching.

But this HANDS OFF policy is actually just going to hurt kids.

I can't imagine my child crying at school and a teacher not being able to console her because she is not her child.

It is wrong.

The world needs more love, not less of it.

Nothing wrong with Daddy's (or Mommy's) money

The newest outrage among mom bloggers is these new shoes from Sketchers called Daddy's Money.

These writers are apparently upset that 

1) They portray young ladies as just spoil brats that get anything they want from daddy.  Or (gasp!) their sugar daddy.

2) The two inch wedge hidden in the heel of the sneaker is bad for a developing young girl.

Whatever. 

It's funny how people aren't up in arms over those license plates that read "daddy bought it but I got it". It's the same message right?

And the two inch wedge is all of a sudden a problem?  Are these mothers making their daughters wear flats to the prom?  Give me a break.

My dad was the first person to really teach me the value of a dollar.  He got me into the habit of having separate envelopes in my dresser drawer for things like rent and gas and bills.  And that really came in handy during those waitressing years.

But he was also the one who in high school gave me five, ten, twenty bucks every time I asked right before going out with my friends.  

Did it make me spoiled?  Maybe if I wasn't also getting the financial education. 

I wanted a new car.  He made me pay him 300 bucks for almost a year before he would co-sign. Just so he could see that I could make the payments.

It's called balance.  

There is nothing wrong with buying your kids what you can afford.  But at the same time, there needs to be a lesson in the value of money.

As for those shoes, at the worst, calling them Daddy's Money is an insult to all mothers out there.

Mommy's Money actually has a nice ring to it.

A parent's idea of "perfection"

Perfection.  A single word loaded with expectations.  

What is perfect to one may have flaws to another.

And this is especially true for parents.  

Oh they may say they just want their child to try their best.  But for many parents, when push comes to shove, they step in to make their child's idea of perfection more like their own.

You see it at science fairs, on art projects and in college essays.  Parents claim they are "just helping", but in reality they are doing what they think will make their child's effort just a bit more "perfect".

I've watched friends guide their child's paintbrush so the picture will be more like what the parent had in mind. I've seen kid signatures that looked awfully good...for a three old.  

"Just helping", they'd say. "Just helping".

But are they really?  

Or are they actually just blatantly showing their child that what she or he did was good, but not good enough?

This thought popped into my head as I took my daughter to an art studio to celebrate her 4th birthday.

We picked out a ceramic purse with flowers on it.  Then she picked out all different colors of paint and set to work.

At first, it looked pretty good.  It was pink.  But then she wanted to mix all the colors and it started to turn a unique shade of...brown.

The ceramic flowers in MY head could have been red with a bright yellow center.  But they ended up being the same color as the rest of the purse, which was brown.

When she began to pour a little water on the wet paint, I told her that would dilute the color.

Then she just looked at me square in the face and said, "Mama, can't you just let me do what I'm going to do?"

I sat back, smirked and said "Of course. Do what you want". 

Because in the end, that little brown purse will be a memory of when she was four. 

NOT a memory of her mother trying to force perfection into what was already perfect.

Lessons learned by a (temporary) mother of four

I asked the husband and best friend to do a major home improvement project at the house this weekend.

Sounds awesome, right? 

It was.  Except that meant I had to watch four kids all day long by myself.

I know there are people that have four, if not more kids. 

But I don't. 

So when all was said in done, I learned several things.

1: Shower early.  Kids don't care if you stink and there is no way four kids are going to sit quietly and play with their toys while you clean up.


2: Buy lots of food.  Just because they are under the age of 5 does not mean they don't eat like grown men. I seriously went through an entire container of strawberries, bunch of bananas, hot dogs, milk, crackers and a brick of cheese.


3: Kids forget to flush.   


4: Boys are gross. And they like to play in toilet water. See number 3.


5: Bath goo sounds fun.  But skip the bath part and just put that goo in a bowl and head outside.


6: Fingerpainting is fun.  But don't turn your back. Ever.


7: All that food you bought and they ate has to go somewhere. When checking diapers, don't stick your finger in too deep.

8: Even the best of friends, get tired of each other after a full day together.  Come up with some solo activities, even if they last only a short time.


9: Join in the fun.  I had four ghosts making scary sounds all around me while I tried to cook dinner.  It was easier to play along then to get them to play elsewhere.

10: Buy lots of beer.  The men will be demanding it for their hard work and you'll probably want to tip one back when the little ones finally go to bed.


Whew.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

By now, most of you have probably heard, if not seen the video of the young woman in a Miami court, who gets smart with the judge by laughing and saying "adios" that he increases her bond, which leads her to flip him off, so he sentences her to 30 days in jail.

Oh how things can quickly snowball.

We now have learned she had a pill-popping addiction in addition to that attitude problem.  

She tearfully apologized to the judge who then reversed her 30 day sentence.

All while her parents sat in court in what I can only assume is a state of total embarrassment.

But maybe they weren't ashamed.  

Maybe this is exactly where they knew she be because she is a smart-alack kid who thinks she is too cool for school.

When I saw that video, all I thought to myself is "that is one girl who never learned about respect."

I don't want to speak in absolutes and say that all 18 year olds act the same way.

But I also know that 18 is old enough to know better.  

Could this woman not look down at her orange jail jumpsuit and realize the trouble she was in?

Could she not shut her trap long enough to not add to the problems she was facing?

No.  Her mouth kept running, her hands kept stroking her long hair as though it was a genie lamp that she could use to wish this all away.

But eventually, she apologized with tears in her eyes and the judge reversed her 30 day contempt sentence.

Which I think is a shame.  

Because I'm sure this wasn't the first time she turned on the waterworks to get out of trouble and now it definitely won't be the last.

A month in jail would have done her some good by teaching her about the true consequences of her actions.

A lesson she obviously hasn't been getting the past 18 years of her life.

Beating the one who knows you best

When the 49ers won their way into the Super Bowl on Sunday and after the hugging, hive-fiving and dancing, my dad told me I HAD to blog about our team making it to the big game.  

I told him in no uncertain terms that there was no angle that would make the Super Bowl an appropriate topic for my blog.

That's because I was SURE we were going to face the Patriots.

But no, for the next two weeks, we will constantly be hearing the term Har-bowl.  

Brother against brother, the upcoming game will have more significance because the person in their lives that should be their support, will instead be their adversary.

Oh sure, we'll hear soundbites of them congratulating each other, talking about the other being a great coach with a great team and it will be a great game.

But come on.  

Your sibling is your first friend, but also your first competitor. 

And there is nothing like beating the one who knows you best. 

When technology and toilets mix it up

If you have children in your life, then there is no doubt you remember the absolute hellish experience of potty training.

Sitting next to tiny toilets, pull up diapers, lots of stickers on reward charts, guzzling liquids, wet floors and messy baths.

But the experience is about to get sooo much easier because in this day and age when we can not do ANYTHING without bringing a piece of technology with us comes the iPotty.

Yes, for about 40 dollars you can buy a special toilet where there is an attachment for your iPad.  Might as well start them early.  I'm mean what do people do when they are doing number two?  Just sit there and THINK?

There are some that would say it is no different than reading a book or playing a game on our phone.  

But really? Seriously?

Do we really need to hand two year olds, who have little to no control over their bodily fluids, an expensive electronic device so that they can play games for so long that they finally go to the bathroom?

Do we need potty apps and special iPad attachments to toilets?

I don't know.  It seems weird to me.

And can you imagine the germs on that iPad?

Losing the ability to THINK

So a friend from high school announced on the last day of 2012 that she would be quitting Facebook.

Her reason? She realized that even when she was physically with her family, she was on the phone or on the computer learning what was going on in OTHER people's lives instead of noticing what was happening right in front of her face.

I'd even take it a step further.

Social media and the internet have become so pervasive that when big moments in life happen, they are often seen through the lens of a smart phone, which is taking the picture or video.

And then the moment almost don't seem real unless you post about it online.

Social media leads to connection, but also a kind of self-imposed separation between you and what is happening right in front of you.

There is something to be said for just being in the moment. No phone, no Facebook...just you and the moment.

Because that is when AMAZING things can just pop into your head.

So when my daughter wants to play a game on my phone even when we are just taking a quick trip to the store...I tell her no, be present, be in your own mind.

Because how can we have our own unique ideas when we spend so much time reading the daily thoughts of others?

New Year parenting resolutions

It's a new year and a time for reflection and resolutions.

And looking back at 2012,  there are things I, and many parents I talk to, would like to improve.

Top of the list...patience.

This is a resolution I will probably have to make every day.  A parent's day is full of all kinds of emotions and stresses.  But in 2013, I want to breathe more, count to ten...do whatever it takes to remember life is short and we should all cherish those minutes we seem to rush through.

I'd also like to mind my tone of voice. Just because I'm not yelling, doesn't mean my kids don't know I'm upset or impatient.

Sometimes not saying anything is better that the sharp knife of a stern voice.

Then there's understanding the old saying that it is not quantity, but quality.  I only really have a handful of hours a day when both me and the kids are awake and together. So maybe fewer TV shows and computer games, and more wrestling on the couch and cuddling up with a book.

And finally, showing more love.  I kiss and hug my kids so much, but is it ever really enough?  Maybe instead of losing my patience or busying myself with another task, I could just kneel down, open my arms and give them a good squeeze.

Because if there is anything this past year has taught me as a parent...it's that you never know what can happen.

And the one thing I want my kids to always know, til the end of days, is that I love them.

Go ahead. Blame the media. We can handle it.

It's so easy to blame the media.  Really it is.

If you cover something too much, you're criticized and if you don't report on something, then you're not paying attention to the important stuff.

And unless you are part of the media, it can be hard to understand the juggling act many of us endure. especially when things like what happened at Sandy Hook occur.

I am not making excuses. The interview with children, the round-the-clock reporting, the images...they are at times hard to justify if you can at all.

But as a parent AND a member of the media, I hope people can  understand that the voices you hear on the radio, the faces you see on TV and the pictures online are done by people who do have families.

We are parents, we are brothers, sisters, aunts and uncles.

When something like this happens, we also see the faces of their own children and those we love.

We cry, we scream, we pray.

And remember, while you can complain about the coverage, you CAN also turn off the radio, TV and shut down the internet.

We in turn have to still our voice, dry our eyes and do our job.