A parent's idea of "perfection"

Perfection.  A single word loaded with expectations.  

What is perfect to one may have flaws to another.

And this is especially true for parents.  

Oh they may say they just want their child to try their best.  But for many parents, when push comes to shove, they step in to make their child's idea of perfection more like their own.

You see it at science fairs, on art projects and in college essays.  Parents claim they are "just helping", but in reality they are doing what they think will make their child's effort just a bit more "perfect".

I've watched friends guide their child's paintbrush so the picture will be more like what the parent had in mind. I've seen kid signatures that looked awfully good...for a three old.  

"Just helping", they'd say. "Just helping".

But are they really?  

Or are they actually just blatantly showing their child that what she or he did was good, but not good enough?

This thought popped into my head as I took my daughter to an art studio to celebrate her 4th birthday.

We picked out a ceramic purse with flowers on it.  Then she picked out all different colors of paint and set to work.

At first, it looked pretty good.  It was pink.  But then she wanted to mix all the colors and it started to turn a unique shade of...brown.

The ceramic flowers in MY head could have been red with a bright yellow center.  But they ended up being the same color as the rest of the purse, which was brown.

When she began to pour a little water on the wet paint, I told her that would dilute the color.

Then she just looked at me square in the face and said, "Mama, can't you just let me do what I'm going to do?"

I sat back, smirked and said "Of course. Do what you want". 

Because in the end, that little brown purse will be a memory of when she was four. 

NOT a memory of her mother trying to force perfection into what was already perfect.

Lessons learned by a (temporary) mother of four

I asked the husband and best friend to do a major home improvement project at the house this weekend.

Sounds awesome, right? 

It was.  Except that meant I had to watch four kids all day long by myself.

I know there are people that have four, if not more kids. 

But I don't. 

So when all was said in done, I learned several things.

1: Shower early.  Kids don't care if you stink and there is no way four kids are going to sit quietly and play with their toys while you clean up.


2: Buy lots of food.  Just because they are under the age of 5 does not mean they don't eat like grown men. I seriously went through an entire container of strawberries, bunch of bananas, hot dogs, milk, crackers and a brick of cheese.


3: Kids forget to flush.   


4: Boys are gross. And they like to play in toilet water. See number 3.


5: Bath goo sounds fun.  But skip the bath part and just put that goo in a bowl and head outside.


6: Fingerpainting is fun.  But don't turn your back. Ever.


7: All that food you bought and they ate has to go somewhere. When checking diapers, don't stick your finger in too deep.

8: Even the best of friends, get tired of each other after a full day together.  Come up with some solo activities, even if they last only a short time.


9: Join in the fun.  I had four ghosts making scary sounds all around me while I tried to cook dinner.  It was easier to play along then to get them to play elsewhere.

10: Buy lots of beer.  The men will be demanding it for their hard work and you'll probably want to tip one back when the little ones finally go to bed.


Whew.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

By now, most of you have probably heard, if not seen the video of the young woman in a Miami court, who gets smart with the judge by laughing and saying "adios" that he increases her bond, which leads her to flip him off, so he sentences her to 30 days in jail.

Oh how things can quickly snowball.

We now have learned she had a pill-popping addiction in addition to that attitude problem.  

She tearfully apologized to the judge who then reversed her 30 day sentence.

All while her parents sat in court in what I can only assume is a state of total embarrassment.

But maybe they weren't ashamed.  

Maybe this is exactly where they knew she be because she is a smart-alack kid who thinks she is too cool for school.

When I saw that video, all I thought to myself is "that is one girl who never learned about respect."

I don't want to speak in absolutes and say that all 18 year olds act the same way.

But I also know that 18 is old enough to know better.  

Could this woman not look down at her orange jail jumpsuit and realize the trouble she was in?

Could she not shut her trap long enough to not add to the problems she was facing?

No.  Her mouth kept running, her hands kept stroking her long hair as though it was a genie lamp that she could use to wish this all away.

But eventually, she apologized with tears in her eyes and the judge reversed her 30 day contempt sentence.

Which I think is a shame.  

Because I'm sure this wasn't the first time she turned on the waterworks to get out of trouble and now it definitely won't be the last.

A month in jail would have done her some good by teaching her about the true consequences of her actions.

A lesson she obviously hasn't been getting the past 18 years of her life.

Beating the one who knows you best

When the 49ers won their way into the Super Bowl on Sunday and after the hugging, hive-fiving and dancing, my dad told me I HAD to blog about our team making it to the big game.  

I told him in no uncertain terms that there was no angle that would make the Super Bowl an appropriate topic for my blog.

That's because I was SURE we were going to face the Patriots.

But no, for the next two weeks, we will constantly be hearing the term Har-bowl.  

Brother against brother, the upcoming game will have more significance because the person in their lives that should be their support, will instead be their adversary.

Oh sure, we'll hear soundbites of them congratulating each other, talking about the other being a great coach with a great team and it will be a great game.

But come on.  

Your sibling is your first friend, but also your first competitor. 

And there is nothing like beating the one who knows you best.